Robins, Birthdays and Life Force

I used to be filled with a lot of hot air, the day before her birthday, then I would blow up a couple of hundred balloons and surprise her on the morning of her birthday. The first birthday I shared with her...I sprayed her with a confetti of different symbols I had purchased at a local party discount store...for years she kept parts of this confetti and may still have some around...then she saw the balloons. There was a simple joy in all of this...but I lost it somewhere in the last few years....

Robins are growing outside my deck windows...a big flowering crabapple tree has played host to a nest with three little Robins whom have grown rapidly...they are about a week old and I expect them to take their first flight soon....they just opened up their eyes yesterday...

The parents have frantically gone out and gathered food...sometimes they arrive at the nest together...one has a distinctive look before it flies off...I can only assume it is taking note of who has just been fed...but it almost looks like the bird is taking a moment and saying to itself what a beautiful family I have and they are growing up so fast...soon they will take the young out and show them how to fend for themselves...and I will be left with an empty nest outside to remind me of the little Robin family that was once there...

I grow older each day as most of us do...well actually all of us do...sometimes sadness comes over me...as I ponder what it might have been like to have had children...it's a part of life I really feel I missed out on...although it's hard to say that I might have done the right things...and it may be for the best...

I am deeply saddened when I watch a young woman die for peacefully demonstrating for a basic human right...her eyes told the whole story right before she passed...17 years of life flashed before her eyes...people live and die everyday...by all sorts of means...but this reminds me of something when I was younger and some Olympians were killed...I was 16 or 17 at the time...

So another day dawns...it's nice and cooler today...it's going to be hot but the humidity is low...a day to be enjoyed...I have a truck that has a dead battery...I have two birdhouse kits to build...well actually one is going to be a mailbox...but that's a story unto itself...I need to get some plants in the ground...way too late...mow the lawn...and too be honest with you...I just want to lay down...and sleep....

I need life force...and I have every reason to have it...it's like the time when I was a child and it was Christmas...my Dad played one of his usual tricks on me and made me think I was getting a brick for Christmas...then pulled out a Guitar and an Amp...something I wanted and was excited to get...but then I just started crying...confusing everyone and angering my Dad...I don't know why even to this day I felt like I did that day....and I don't know why I feel like I do today and a lot of days like I do...I just know I do...

As I write this the baby Robins are active and one of the parents just fed them...there is force in that life..and sometimes I think that is what keeps me going more than anything else...

Birdman Blue